There are voices inside my head.
More like noises which isn’t letting me think straight. So much is going on my mind.
At times like this, writing those thoughts down are the best way to calm myself, just a little. My best friend and I parted ways again. And everytime we do so, I break. Like a lot. I hate the process. Long distance sucks.
I am writing this because I think it would be liberating for me. I want to be more open.
If you too are facing/faced long distance phobia, confusion and in all anxiety. Write it down. Whatever you are feeling, and then let it be there. That would be the last time you are dealing with those thoughts. Make yourself a promise, it can be anything which you think would help and breathe.
Have you ever been in love? Well, sure of course you would have. I mean I fall in love with every other food dish I see. But I am talking about ‘finding your twin and in love with them’ kinda love.
This letter is to us.
Now that I see what it is like, looking back, I would curse the day I agreed on going out with you.* I still remember my first day, sounds cliched but it just feels like yesterday.
You took me to your favourite place by the beach. Puffed on a cigarrte and listened patiently to all what I had to say. How open and relaxed I was with a new friend took me a back because back then, I was totally shy.
By our second date, I realised that we had something special.
I have had so many firsts with you. *wink* and I can’t wait to see what else life has in store for us.
Whenver we are together it is like I am on a permanent holiday because no day is dull, boring or scary.
I know after a bad day, I have a person who will make it better. With who I feel insanely safe.
The fact that we both see each other as best friends first is what made our relationship even more deep. Not even best friends, how to put it, umm.. You are my universal person.
Today was tough. You went back to our hometown, leaving me here alone, again, in this shark tent.
And I’ll be lying if I say I am fine. I cried my eyes out. Like legit, you can’t tell if they are open or not, as they are so swelled now.
On the top of it, I can’t think of anything good. A series of shit events are flashing infront of me.
I have to figure out my call in life. Suffer college and the placements. Be strong enough to endure the family drama too.
Always been a ‘live my life on my terms’ person and all the decisions I have made so far are my personal choice. Somehow, you were the only one who used to respect this and advice me in away that would only improve my decision.
I love you. And it kills me when you are not around. Even your best friends are my best friends and all of us together felt like home.
But with time changing, this family of ours is drifted to many directions. It can’t be all cosy and warm, always. But I am still here, at the same place, we made our home and every fricking cafe’, bar or spot, reminds me of us.
I tried reading the ‘how-to’s to dealing long distance relationships. Every article suggests you, that with time it will be better.’ Try to accept it’.
I am not gonna let time and fate decide what is going to be better. I would rather devote my day and night to build a life that I wish for.
It is time to take future in our hands, my love.
‘Cause I (we) have dreams so big that it scares me at times.
So, yeah. I will keep myself busy and I will see you next time, when we both are a little more successful, healthy, wealthy and wise.
I will buid a life with no conditions, for us. We will travel the world and do more exceptional stuff.
Let today be the day, I learn the lesson to accept change and also, pull myself out of this hell known as ‘comfort zone’. Whatever hard work I’ll do, it will be for me, us, my family and my friends.
Time is tough right now but it won’t be like this for long. I promise. Give yourself a days break, cry your heart out and get back to business.