On being Lost

I really don’t know how to start this little heart to heart talk that I want to do. Earlier this afternoon when I sat down to write this, I constantly hit the backspace button, deleting my words again and again. I wanted this to be pure not structured because all of that I going to tell you now is not a hoax but true thoughts & emotions resulting from real life incidents.

For over a month now I have been subconsciously procrastinating, actually totally avoiding everything in my life. My work, friends, family, passion and even spending time by myself. I usually end up lost when a series of changes & shock encounters happen. You must be thinking what possibly can be wrong in a girl’s life who portrays such a beautiful feed from the parts of it, wearing & eating good, going to neat places and doing what she loves; creating.

Recently I realized the grueling truth of showcasing your work on social media platforms. I kind of live a dual life. It begins at 7 in the morning where I am struggling to get out of bed, pushing myself to get ready and go to college to study the subjects which don’t match to my interests.

*Pausing this in between to tell you kids that always go for a course which compromises of subjects which excite and interests you*

I always dress down when I go to college and from there the judgments start, “Dude she looks so different from her photos”, “Lol, why does she call herself a fashion blogger. She looks so plain & simple.”

How I wish I could tell them that after a night of writing, editing & creating, my eyes and face have resulted in me looking like a zombie and that being dressed up for almost the entire day because of shoots & events, I prefer dressing comfortably for all the other things in life. Actually, thank you for noticing my dark circles, I worked hard for it.

One good thing which has happened to me is that I know where my passion lies in. What is it that makes me happy? Writing, creating, telling a story, capturing moments, fashion, telling a story via fashion, selling stuff, coming up with new ideas which are fun and inspiring. That’s what I want to do my entire life. This is what makes me happy, satisfied and alive. I can’t even describe in words the whirlwind of sparkly emotions I feel when I see my vision in a story which I wrote or a photo that I shot. It is like, “I created that. That thing there sir is my baby.”  But like a coin, flip it and you can see the dark side to this world.

The unapologetic criticism which comes with it and the constant fear that whether my work will be liked or not by the people, which gave me so many sleepless nights. I have no one to guide me, teach me the right & wrongs and help me in what I do but I still work on my passion every day, learning on the go from my mistakes. We all learn and improve. The difference between me and a new employee in a company is that he/she shall too make mistakes but only the boss & fellow employees would know about it whereas when I  post something which is not up to the mark, the whole world can see it and also pass their remarks on it.

To all those people who make a mockery of us content creators, at least we aren’t sitting on our asses & playing judgment games. We are actually hustling every day, learning, improving and working hard for our passions.

(In conclusion, I felt a little lost in the wrong words of people and hence, kind of took a step back from the work. Only to realize the strength and courage I was blessed with which made me go all out again with my creations in a world full of opinions. Sorry but my goals are bigger than your hate.)  

The past few weeks made me feel a little lost and this happened because of the people who were closest to my heart.

The person you were in a relationship for years, can one day just stop loving you, leaving you broken. Friends who you considered home can make you feel all uncomfortable one day. All these things happen.

The truth is that people change constantly, and if they aren’t, that’s probably a bad thing. “Changing,” in the grander sense, refers to growing as a person and gaining life experience. You’re unlikely to be aware of your own change because you are yourself and it’s hard to have that kind of outside perspective. So, yes, hopefully you, too, are changing just like the rest of us, in a positive way.

{To sum it up, don’t let anyone’s action bother you. If your relationship with a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend is topsy-turvy then give it a rest and move on if it is hurting you too much. Who knows what change the other person must be going through? Everything in life has a right time for, wait for it and stay happy. It took me a month to accept this.}

With my college coming to an end, I am facing the dilemma which almost all my peers are facing too right now: What to do after college?

Taking a step back from everything, I realised the things I should be investing my time in: My goals, Reading books, Improving my skills, travelling, working on projects with like-minded people, working for people who can teach me more great things about my passion and doing as many new things as I can because I need to find myself & grow and exploration alone in a world is the best way to do it. I want to be like a wolf who is climbing the hill hungry for life, for more rather than a wolf who is already settled on the top, bored of its surroundings already.

I was so irregular with my posts in the past because I couldn’t give my 100% to work because of all these swirling thoughts in my brain which you just read about (and partly ’cause of the grueling finals submissions, projects and tests in college). Also, I felt like I can do so much better than what I was doing. My work was not completely honest to my vision. Hence, I took a step and let myself to be lost for a while.

I shall be working on my blog, my store and even bigger things which I have in mind after my college. Better to work on your on your own goals rather than grilling it for someone else’s.

Remember and understand that no one is immune to occasionally feeling lost. In fact, realizing that you feel lost means you deserve or are searching for a deeper meaning in your life. You are someone who is trying to improve, and that’s a great quality.

The point of this blog post was to tell you what all I learned from my experiences in the recent past and about the ‘not so cool’ side of being a content creator.  Also because I wanted, to be honest about my current take on work and life.

For all of those who have supported me till now, thank you so much! You shall be seeing a lot more fun stuff created by me.

And to all of those hustling hard for their dreams to be fulfilled, to those who feel alone and lost, I am here with you. You are not alone.